What does chaste and respectful behaviour look like? The Word says this is how a husband will be won to the Lord; by the chaste and respectful behaviour of his wife.
I know some of what it means. I am to lift him up with loads of praise and admiration. I am to encourage him in his daily life whether it is about his work or how he fathers our kids or how he treats me. This is easy for me to do because my hubby is so very good at all those things! I have no complaints at all. I am married to an amazing person!
I have some questions and I wonder if there are any wise readers who can help me see more clearly. I don't know how to translate this into how I should respond to him when he asks me certain questions. Questions like, why are you crying? Sometimes I cry because the Lord is doing something within me and I know it. Like right after a counselling session. When I am struggling with heart issues. I try to explain but he keeps digging, not satisfied with the answer. I don't know how to explain it to him when He doesn't know the Lord.
And when he sees this happen when I am caught up in worship, he also gets very concerned. His wife is crying. That means she is hurt (to his way of thinking) and I have to fix her. Or help her. Or something. But I am content to cry in God's arms. But this makes him feel left out. He doesn't understand.
I disagree with his way of thinking a lot of the time. And I must, when his thinking is in agreement with the world. But I don't always say so, and if I do say so it is respectfully (most of the time I hope). But I don't always reveal why I think so differently. I have seen that lead to arguments and so I try to avoid that.
He might say, if you do this or that, you will be happy. But I know that outward things don't increase my happiness. And even if they do, it is only temporary. I don't want more happiness. I want more Jesus, whatever that means to my emotions, and sometimes that means suffering too. He does not understand this.
I feel like I want to hide my real responses to things because he doesn't "get it" and it would disappoint me to share an exciting thing God just showed me, when his only response is "oh". Like for instance, if the Lord just spoke to me and gave me a hug when I really needed it, if I were to tell him, he would just stare back at me blankly. To me this feels like pouring water on a fire. I feel I loose something when that happens.
I don't know in practical terms how to live out my love for the Lord with a person of the world watching so me intimately. How do I love the Lord with all my heart and love my husband and respect him. Do I keep my outward expressions of my relationship with God hidden from him as much as possible or do I openly live it and share it in front of him. Do I sing in tongues in his presence? Or keep that for when he is out of the room? Do I tell him the things the Lord is doing in me regardless of how he responds or doesn't respond? Or keep that to myself?
It is very difficult because the two become one in marriage. Almost everything is shared. But the things of the Lord cannot be shared between my husband and I right now. In faith I believe one day, yes. But right now, it is not possible because we aren't on the same page (not even in the same book).
It is very hard for me to see the right path to take, because I am so close to the situation. Perhaps there is someone who has been down this road and could offer a word of perspective for me?
Making myself vulnerable here. Please be kind.